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We have revived the forum resource for your enjoyment.

Post all your jokes here
Forum rules: Jokes will be deleted after a week with the auto-prune option.

Please don't post jokes that are under the belt. ;)
By Corzza
#665483
A teacher in class was stating that humans are the only creatures on the planet earth that stutter.....

When Suzy jumps up and says "sorry miss you wrong, my cat used to stutter"

intrigued the teacher asked Suzy to explain

Suzy"we were playing in the backyard 1 day....when the Bulldog next door ran and jumped over the fence....My cat went ffffffff.....ffffffff.....ffffff....and before she could say *** OFF...the Bulldog ate her."




THE TEACHER HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM
By Corzza
#665911
Seven Dumb Blondes


THE FIRST DUMB BLONDE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

* * *

TWO MORE DUMB BLONDES

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

* * *

THE FOURTH DUMB BLONDE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

* * *

ONE MORE DUMB BLONDE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

* * *

A SIXTH DUMB BLONDE

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

She said, "Is it mine?"

* * *

DUMB BLONDE NUMBER SEVEN

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
By Corzza
#665912
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait !!!!


An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."


The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.


The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."


(Oh this is GOOD!!)?


Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,


"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"
By Corzza
#666202
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
By BABENZN
#666228
um

Jus Another Lil Johnny wun :happy1:

The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys
on
how to go to the bathroom.

The teacher tells them the following:
One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your pecker out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a ***
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper

So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The
teacher
asks, "Where is Little Johnny?"

One of the boys replies "He is still in the bathroom."

The teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little
Johnny
"Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five............"
By Corzza
#666617
My neighbor found out that her dog could hardly hear, so she took it to
> the veterinarian.
> The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.
> He cleaned both ears, and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded
> to
> tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should
> go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dogs
> ears once a month.

> The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
> At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this
> under
> your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

> The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

> The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a
> couple of days."

> The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know,
> I'm using it on my schnauzer."

> The pharmacist said, "Stay off your bicycle for about a week."
By Corzza
#666805
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively
Mischievous . They are always getting into trouble and
Their parents know all about it. If any mischief
Occurs in their town, the two boys are probably
Involved.


The boys' mother heard that a preacher in
Town had been successful in disciplining children, so
She asked if he would speak with her boys.


The
Preacher agreed, but he asked to see them
Individually.


So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the
Morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the
Afternoon.


The preacher, a huge man with a booming
Voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him
Sternly,


" Do you know where God is, son ?" The boy's mouth
Dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
Wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.


So the preacher repeated the question in an even

Sterner tone, " Where is God ?!"


Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher
Raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the
Boy's' face and bellowed,


" Where is God ?!"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran
Directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the
Door behind him.


When his older brother found him in the closet, he
Asked, " what happened ?" The younger brother, gasping
For breath, replied, " We are in BIG trouble this time ."


GOD is missing, and they think we did it ! .........
By Corzza
#666806
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sic
of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing
there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come.
About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some
drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fightin too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there,
Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild ***, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter .... Just gonna be the two of us".
By Pottie
#667347
Moved to own section.
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